Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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