I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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