the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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