I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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