I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We need to rekindle our bromance
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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