We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
