so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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