I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
