Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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