i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
