At least make sure they are 18
Why
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
