i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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