I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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