I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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