she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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