last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize