my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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