How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
