can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
