Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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