two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just had sex on a roof
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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