oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
