guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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