there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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