The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
