I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Randomize
