I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
