Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
