I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize