Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
