Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
