Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize