Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
