saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
