i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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