Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
high people should be assigned attendants
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
