apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
