First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
