Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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