My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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