If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
