I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
