I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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