Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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