he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
