I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
