is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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