Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
