We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I can text with my tongue
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
