what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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