Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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