once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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