the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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