just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
