morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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