So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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