I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
