he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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