Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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