Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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