I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
