White coat. Heels.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
