I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
