So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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