I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
