is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
