This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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