Have you finally orgasmed yet?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
His nipple licking is glorious
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